Article - Laura Knight-Jadczyk
Well, naturally, I was moved by all of this pain and suffering that he described. And I was determined to "make a place" for Frank to express the one thing that he claimed he was good at: channeling. As he repeated over and over again, it was the one thing he could do, that he wanted to do, that he was comfortable doing, and which did not seem to require any great effort on his part. Because, in the end, it was "effort" that he could not tolerate. It required effort to get along with other people. It required effort to work at a job. It required effort to understand that parents generally do the best they can with what they know, and to be able to adjust our own thinking so as not to carry so much anger for the fact that they do, often, unconsciously hurt us.
As I wrote in Grace, it's not likely that my own mother will ever "wake-up" and figure out how her own emotional actions and reactions were so hurtful to me and other people. But I am not angry at her, I still maintain relations with her (at a protective distance), and if she had a need I could fulfill, I would do it without question. But all of that requires effort. And Frank did not seem to have anything inside him that could result in externally directed effort. He never had a girlfriend, he never dated, (he claimed to have had one experience with sexual intercourse that was so disgusting that he vowed never to repeat it), he had very few friends, and his main activity outside of his telemarketing job that he took after the embezzlement episode, was watching football on television.
I had the idea that being "accepted" for himself would lead to Frank being able to "blossom" as a human being. I was always making suggestions that he ought to become more socially active, to go back to college, or do some writing (since he had such an excellent command of language). All of these suggestions were met with "you just DON'T understand! I CAN'T do any of those things!" And this was followed by a monologue on how spiritual he was and why being spiritual and a "highly developed being" prevented one from being capable of interacting with ordinary human beings in normal ways.
At one point I asked him if he thought that a highly developed spiritual being ought to be defined as one who had mastered the lessons of this human level. He hesitantly said "yes." I then asked him why, if such a being had mastered such lessons, they would be unable to just handle ordinary life as easy as falling off a log? It seemed to me that if a college graduate knows the ABC's, it should be so easy for them to recite them that even if it was boring, it should certainly not be stressful to do it.
He had no answer.
What was even more disturbing was his view of humanity as a whole. He had nothing but contempt for other human beings who were not as "spiritual" as he was. This, of course, led back to his claims that his birth was a mistake, and that then, of course, led to the idea that this mistake was easily corrected by suicide. Naturally, I was horrified and spent hundreds, if not thousands of hours, pouring energy into preventing him from doing this. I didn't realize at the time that it was merely a means of draining my life force.
But, the suicide issue led to a series of exchanges in which I asked Frank if he thought that it could really be a mistake that he was born? And if so, how could such a mechanism operate?
He described a "psychic memory" of a harsh voice commanding him to "GO!" and a pointing finger that forcefully ejected him from the delights of the higher levels of ethereal existence into incarnation in the present body.
I didn't say so at the time, but such an image was very troubling for a lot of reasons, not the least of which was what kind of "higher being" would act in such a way as to forcefully eject an "innocent" soul from realms of bliss into incarnation?
The bottom line was this: I saw Frank as a soul crying out for help, and I was going to be the one to help him. And the channeling project was going to be the platform for me to do this.
There had been so many "synchronicities" that popped up when we met, and I naturally thought that this was a positive thing. After all, Frank's middle name was "Grant" and that had been the name of my first "boyfriend." I just ignored the fact that the boyfriend had created so much turmoil and destruction in my life. (As it happens, the "friend" with whom the first boyfriend "interacted" that caused me so much extreme grief had the last name "Bridges," though it was her married name. Another item I ignored in giving people the benefit of the doubt. Those of you who have read Grace will know exactly what I am talking about).
The first thing on my mind was to settle the issue of abduction, since Frank incessantly talked about his abductions by aliens and how his parents had never believed he was being tormented this way and failed to protect him. I truthfully didn't see how any parent could have been blamed for such a failure since any such activity is most definitely not considered to be a "reality" in our culture. But, the fact was, Frank had conscious memories of many abductions. In my own case, even if there is some circumstantial evidence of possible abductions, there was most definitely no conscious memory, and to this day, I cannot say that I have ever seen an "alien" in any sort of conscious state, nor in any way that could not be explained as a dream, or the result of hypnogogic or hypnopompic states. Having said that, let me add that I do not subscribe to the view that just because such things CAN be explained in such ways, that they ought to be. There is too much evidence that something strange is going on to do that. But the point is, one has to be very careful in this kind of research.
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