Article - Laura Knight-Jadczyk
I want to cover a lot in this chapter so I can get us back on the chronological track. This section deals with my growing awareness of the Matrix that conceals the Theological Reality and how difficult it is to break free of the illusion that our reality is as it presents itself to be. Though I didn't realize it as I went through it, all of the events of this period were simply the results of forces that activate to terrify the awakening individual, to convince them to go back to sleep, or if that is not possible, to wear them out, destroy their health, or otherwise make it impossible to awaken.
The important thing for the reader to remember as they go through this recapitulation of events, relations, and my thoughts regarding same, is that there was no Cassiopaea site for me to read, there was no Wave Series for me to read, and there was no real concept of The Matrix, as such, available to me by which I could evaluate my experiences. I was in uncharted territory, slashing through the jungle, and hardly able to fully grasp the nature of the beast, much less articulate it.
It is so easy, looking back, to say "oh, well, you should have seen that Frank was this or that," or that "you should have known it was going to turn out that way," or "why did you continue in the relationship so long?" and so on.
If we keep in mind the programs of family, religion and society, which are more or less the same for everyone with only slight variations, we realize that it is not so easy to go against the programs of give the benefit of the doubt, turn the other cheek, forgive and forget, kiss and make-up, make it nice, if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all, and so forth. We are taught by our culture, via various psychological theories, to "compromise and work it out," or to deal with our own issues so that what other people do wont' have any power over us. We are taught to heal our "wounded inner child," or blame everything on our parents. We can learn to re-frame our experiences and achieve rapport with anyone in three days of Neuro-linguistic programming, or, as a last resort, we can solve the problem with a little Prozac or something similar.
The fact is that, even though the C's were telling me about these Theological Dynamics, that didn't necessarily mean that I was "buying" it. Just because the C's said it, didn't mean I believed it. And that still applies. Sure, there are many things the C's have said that we have experimented with - "try before you buy" - and have observed results that indicate that they are presenting a view of our reality that is objectively testable. There are many other things that we have researched based on the clues the C's have given us and have discovered again and again "damned if they aren't right!" And very often, these have been things about which we were most skeptical.
But that doesn't mean that everything is true, for sure, nor that we will "buy anything" that we haven't checked out thoroughly.
Even though I was being given a "higher density" view of human relations and dynamics as the medium through which higher density forces engage and do "battle," - the Matrix Control System - I was still in it, and still controlled by it to a great extent. In this sense, the C's were very wise in NOT telling me anything directly as to what I ought or ought not to do in terms of my choices and actions. They were, indeed, giving me a new perspective about higher density affairs, giving clues about our own level of reality so that I could research these matters and determine the interaction between the two, but if they had just told me the answers or told me what to do, they would have violated my "Free Will Learning Directive." That is to say, it seems that all of existence is for the purpose of gaining knowledge. Hopefully, the reader has read P. D. Ouspensky's Tertium Organum, and is familiar with his writings on this subject. The point is that if we are here in this reality to learn, it doesn't do us any good for somebody else to do our homework for us. We can't learn to ride a bicycle by watching somebody else do it, or by reading a book about it. Indeed, we will have clues, and some idea of what we ought to do, but we cannot master it unless we get up and try it. And very often, we may think it looks easier than it is, and we discover on our first try that falling down and scraping our knees is what teaches us how not to fall down!
So it was that, in the places where discussions of the matters of the Theological Reality were taking place as recorded in the transcripts, that didn't mean that I was ready to get on the bicycle just yet. Even if S** or PZ or any other given person was "identified" as being an "agent" or in a close relation with purported STS forces, didn't mean I was going to jump up in their faces and shout "Lizzie Lover!" or "Gray Hugger!" and ditch them as a friend or associate!
However, after the "kiss" I woke up.
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